Orcs! (2010)

I've been looking forward to this film ever since I first saw the trailer, which should now be a couple of months ago. The shortest way to explain the movie is probably to state that: Sauron's army took a wrong turn and ended up in a small national park...and that's just briljant. It combines fantasy/horror/komedie and so it has plenty of stuff to work with in multiple directions. Does director Andrew Black have what it takes to turn this into a cult classic?

No, absolutely not. Aiii, that's harsh. But I have to be honest, it's not as good as it could've been. When there are orcs (and i repeat 'ORCS') running around in a national park and the only ones in their way are clumsy rangers and a spiritual enviromental activist, it has to be fun to watch. Yet, the humor doesn't get very far with the predictable and simple writing and the story never takes a turn you'll find joyfull enough to unbutton your pants for. You know, just so you can watch the slaughter in the correct way.

So you can cross those off your list. Rarely funny and/or clever and it's never suprising. Not even the orcs are that much fun in the end. They look pretty good but you'll barely ever see them without their full-body armor on. It's cheapish, but I can let it slide. Unfortunately it's hard for me to find anything that makes me want to recommend this to anyone. ''Common'' would be the right word to describe this, and I expected more than just 'common'.

What else can I talk about...the acting? Just fine, it's not their fault. The simple jokes are hard to sell as great puns and i guess they were all out of funny one-liners. The poster says: ''They will eat your face off''. Well, tThat's a wonderful idea...they should've put that in the movie. Hardly any gore to go around but plenty of awful shots to the armor. My pants is still confortable, though that's not how it should be with a movie stuffed with orcs going on a rampage.

I can't denie it's fun to see them running around in the woods or chasing a car down the road. It's just so sad that it hasn't been able to suprise me, not even once. There's plenty of nasty stuff I can think of that would make these orcs even better than the ones we already know. In the end there's a 'giant' assualt on the sheriff station where the three survivors barricaded themselves. Possibilities enough for it to be an epic fight between mankind's last hope and orcs. Yet all we see are cheap gun effects and repetitive shots of orcs running and dying.

It's funny that they add a suicide orc (running towards them with some dynamite) but in the end...i didn't find myself entertained enough. I can't say it sucks, but I can definitely say it's a missed opportunity. On the other hand....maybe my expectations were unfair. Why? In 2003 Andrew Black directed ''Pride and Prejudice'', so this is already a giant leap. Who knows, maybe ''Orcs II : Unbutton that Pants'' will suprise me one day.

Score: 50/100