The Taint (2010)

This is how a 20th century troma movie would be on steroids. Yes, you heard me right.. it's thát trashy. If cinema knew any boundaries, they have now been crossed. If this world had any morals left, they are now shattered. If you thought every movie had to make at least a tiny bit of sense.. you are now WRONG. Am I overreacting? Maybe I am, or maybe I'm not. Getting curious? Good, now press the sentence below!

You know how some movies take ages to get to the point. How some horror movies build up very slowly just to reach an 'oke' ending with some gory effects.. The Taint has none of that. We jump right into it. Decapitated squirrels, bashed in faces, legs getting torn off, burning people alive, taking a shit in your pants, having a massive cumshot and after that we just blow out some brains. How far are we in? Barely 10 minutes, oh my god..

Yes, it's this edgy and crazy and funny and sick and... a lot more. It has everything going for it, an awesome storyline (men turn into women-hating-sonofabitches) some amazing talent when it comes to sfx and horrible...just horrible acting. I mean that in the best way possible, I loved every second of it.

Normally I am the one to jizz my pants when I see something weird and cool at the same time, but Drew Bolduc changed the roles. The story revolves around dicks, which will be shown a lot. But how could thát ever be a good thing, you might wonder. Well, they get blown into pieces. YES! Dicks are getting blown the fuck up. How's that for a dramatic edge.

I think I'm done talking about the amazingly gross effects. What else is there to love? For one, it has a great soundtrack which I'll be listening to quite often from here on out. Now we've got an intereseting situation. There are two directors, Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson. The leading part is also taken by Drew Bolduc, and to make it even better he is the one that wrote the story and even took care of the music. I'd definetly dedicate the entire result to his odd talent and I want more!

It's well written, though it doesn't have the most cutting edge editing. It's not something I could worry about at this point. This film makes Justin Bieber's haircut look normal, it makes you want to eat squirrel meat and above it all: it makes you shiver in a unique way. Who gave birth to the person that came up with all of this? Mind blowing, I'm telling ya.  

I've never done a review with so many gory pictures before. I just couldn't find anything else to show. This might just be the best splatter the 21st century has to offer. I'm having a hard time recommending this to anyone, if you're hesitating; don't bother! But whether you're a fan or not, I will recommend listening to this all-out eighties soundtrack, best I've heard in years. 

Score: 98/100